Secret Santa Mayhem
by Alecto Perdita
Summary: The title says it all people. RR. Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha. Yea, I know this is supposed to be in the actual fic but what are ya gonna do about it?
1. Part 1

This is a special fic for Christmas. The title pretty much says it all. We would like to dedicate this to our "Group." Don't ask but they'll know.  
  
Secret Santa Mayhem  
By: Alecto and Wendy (CandyFreak211@aol.com)  
  
"Christ…mas???" There was a loud commotion of noise that followed. The occupants of Kagome's room immediately broke into loud and incoherent conversations.  
  
"Is that something to eat?" Inuyasha asked.  
  
"Is that a weapon?" Sesshoumaru asked.  
  
"I hope it's food. I'm hungry, Sesshoumaru-sama." Rin said.  
  
"Quiet, you insolent brat!!! Show proper respect to Sessoumaru-sama. Besides, it's obviously a new kind of youkai." Jaken snapped.  
  
"Is it food?" Inuyasha asked again.  
  
Kikyo "…"  
  
"I though Kagome-sama was going to introduce me to a pretty girl." Miroku sighed in disappointment.  
  
Sango's eyebrow twitched with irritation. She grabbed the nearest item, Kagome's alarm clock, and smashed it into Miroku's head.  
  
"Minna, let me explain." Kagome waved her arms frantically about to get attention. No one listened as most continued to speculate about this Christmas. She looked toward Inuyasha for help but only to find him alternating glares between Sesshoumaru and Kouga. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea in the world to seat them near them.   
  
Kouga lifted a fist and punched Inuyasha squarely in the face.  
  
The half dog demon staggered back slightly before he snarled. "What the hell was that for, yaro?!"  
  
"I had to get their attention somehow dog-turd. Kagome's trying to say something." Kouga replied nonchalantly.  
  
Inuyasha leaped forward, his hands on the hilt of the Tetsusaiga.  
  
"Inuyasha." Kagome called sweetly.  
  
Inuyasha stopped in his tracks, though somewhat annoyed at being interrupted when he was just about to pound the wolf youkai.  
  
"Osuwari." Kagome stated flatly. Inuyasha smashed down into the floor, falt on his face, courtesy of the rosary around his neck.  
  
"Kagome?" Kagome's mother called form downstairs.  
  
"Nothing Mama." Kagome shouted. She turned back toward the group. "Where was I?"  
  
"Christmas." Shippo supplied eagerly.  
  
"Sou!" Kagome clapped her hands together. "Christmas is a holiday where loved ones get together and exchange gifts."  
  
"Loved…" Naraku trailed off.  
  
"Ones?" Jaken finished.  
  
An awkward and heavy silence hung over the group. You could hear the crickets chirping outside.  
  
Inuyasha held a hand over his mouth, his face turning impossibly blue with suppressed laughter. He finally couldn't take it anymore and collapsed into hysterics. "LOVED ONES!!! Hahahahahaha!!! Kagome, I think all those tests have finally sent you over the edge! Hahahahahahaha!!!" More maniacal cackling followed.  
  
"Someone please stop that demonic noise." Sango groaned as she rubbed her temples.   
  
"Gladly." Miroku chirped as he bashed Inuyasha over the head with his priest staff thingy. Seconds later, a subdued Inuyasha was sulking in the corner with several bumps forming on his head.  
  
"As I was saying, Christmas will be here I in a few weeks and I thought we'd do something." Kagome continued cheerfully.  
  
"Like what?" Kikyo spoke for the first time.  
  
"Secret Santa of course!" Kagome exclaimed. She sighed as she received blank stares once more. She reached over and grabbed a straw bonnet. The group crowded around Kagome and gazed calmly at the contents of the hat.  
  
"It's just paper." Sesshoumaru stated in his usual condescending manner.  
  
"Hai." Kagome responded as she shuffled the white slips of   
paper. "On each slip of paper, I wrote one of your names. Now everyone will draw one and whoever you get will be the person you give a present to on Christmas day."  
  
The entire group exchange skeptical and dubious glances. How could Kagome have not foreseen this disaster in making.   
  
"Alright minna, let's do this." Kagome set the hat on the floor. Eleven hands, claws, paws (well, you get the idea) reached into the hat and drew a piece of paper.  
  
"Remember, don't tell anyone who you got, especially that person." Kagome reminded as she unfolded her draw. The others followed her example.  
  
Miroku rubbed his chin in a pondering manner. Rin, Shippo, and Kouga grinned, obviously happy with theirs. One thought ran simultaneously through the minds of Kagome, Inuyasha, and Sango. 'Oh shit!' Naraku, Sesshoumaru, Kikyo, and Jaken looked up and inquired in unison. " I don't suppose we can trade?"  
  
*To Be Continued?*   
  
Hai-Yes  
Minna-Everyone  
Osuwari-Sit (like ordering a dog to do so)  
Sou-Right  
Yaro-Bastard  
Youkai-Demon  
  
What do you think? Please give us feedback. Maybe we'll finish or maybe not... Take the hint people! 


	2. Part 2

Second part out! What a rush! Well hopefully get the fic done by the weekend and posted. The characters are just a bit OOC.  
  
Secret Santa Mayhem  
Part 2  
By Wendy (CandyFreak211@aol.com) and Alecto  
  
"No, You can't!" Kagome shook her head. "No matter how much you dislike the person or how hard it is to appease them. "You're going to keep them"  
  
"But I want to change mine. I absolutely abhor this person in every single way possible. I can't even think of what to get him!!!" Inuyasha exclaimed.  
  
Kagome furrowed her brow in concentration. She would have rather had gotten Naraku or Jaken, but not Sesshoumaru. Somehow that youkai managed to scare her more than anyone. Perhaps it was his obsession that caused him to chase them halfway across Japan. She stared down at the simple piece of paper that seemed to mock her more and more with each passing second. The universe and the Secret Santa had clearly turned on her. Why else would she have gotten Kikyo of all people? Besides what does one get for oneself?  
  
Kouga wore a superior and an "I'm-better-than-you-and-you-know-it" smirk. This was his chance to show that dog-turd who was the best. The universe (or us authors) was in favor of him (*evil grin* at least for now). He would show the world what was best for Kagome. That would be him. He rubbed his chin in a ponderous manner. He must do something extravagant for Kagome. He remembered Kagome's little brother, Sota. Maybe the boy could be some help.  
  
Miroku sighed happily. He had gotten the lovely Sango. This was his chance to show her he wasn't such a bad guy. Not to mention, score points with her also. Sango, however, was still a hard person to get a gift for. He had no idea what her hobbies and likes were. (Actually that's us but let's just dumb this dilemma on Miroku.) He would figure something out soon. He just hoped that he wouldn't get hit with her boomerang in the end.  
  
Sango scowled at the slip of paper in the hand. Why did the world insist on pairing her up with the hentai priest? (You know you like it) 'Who are you?' (I'm Alecto, one of the authors) 'Why are you in my head?' (Simply because I can *evil grin*) 'Whatever' (You guys would make such a cute couple) '…' (Fine! But you know you were worried when that box youkai [Volume 21] nearly got him.) Sango was left with an overwhelming desire to smack the so-called author. 'Miroku and me…Ha! What a joke! Never gonna happen!'  
  
Sesshoumaru crumbled the paper with a surprisingly loud crunching noise. He was not a weak. He was not one to run away. He would keep the name he had gotten. Why was he doing this in the first place? He glanced over at Rin. He remembered Rin wanted to take part in this, so he consented only to find himself involved as well. Very well, he would tolerate this, for Rin's sake. (Alecto: Aw…How Sweet!) (Wendy: ^_^;;)  
  
'#$&*&$#$^@$^%@(*&^&&^%$%^$^$%^^$&^%%^$&^&$%$(&^^$(*^$%$&^&^$^%$^$^%^%^%&^%^&^$$*^(*(^#%$^)(*_)(^$%##^%##$#@!^$#&^&%*))(^**^^(%' Inuyasha thought. 'Why the hell do I have to be that baka wimpy wolf's Secret Santa? Argh…that stupid wimpy wolf, I don't even know what to get him. I hate his guts, stupid youkai, flirting with Kagome, keep on saying that she's his woman. Not if I can help it. Ooohhhhh… maybe I should get him enchanted rosary beads for him. Hehehe, wouldn't that be fun.' Inuyasha just sat there rubbing his hands together with a mischievous grin on his face.   
  
Naraku looked at the person he got. When he looked at him, he realized what kind of gift he could get for that person. 'I believe a good left arm would do nicely. I could insert a Shikon shard and pit him against his brother. Kill two birds with one stone. Something tells me this will be a very good 'Christmas' indeed.' (If it didn't work the first time why would it work a second time?)  
  
Kikyo already know what kind of gift to get for her person. 'A one-way ticket straight to hell.' The fun part was there were so many ways to do it. Her arrows was just one of many ways. She had much time to debate this. (Scary…)  
  
Jaken was speechless. He was in shock as he started at the name. (But no one really cares about the toad, so lets move on.)  
  
Shippo just smiled cutely. He thought of all the fun illusions he could perform for Rin. (Although most of them needed some work…)  
  
Rin giggled. Jaken was fun. Perhaps she could make him a crown of flowers (*snicker*). Wait a minute; she had something even better in mind.  
*To Be Continued*  
  
Remember, R/R!!! And Bonnie, stop threatening us! 


	3. Part 3

Chapter 3: Exchange of Gifts  
  
Christmas Night  
Christmas had finally come. The camera zooms in on a small two-story house, covered in the snow of a white Christmas. (Do they get white Christmas in Tokyo?) Gathered in the living room of Kagome's house, a group of youkai, humans, and hanyou alike gathered. They were there to exchange presents.  
  
However, it wasn't as peaceful as the snow falling outside. Shippo and Rin were really hyper and started running around the room, due to all the candy they had in the morning. Kouga was looking and smiling at Kagome like a lunatic. While he was doing this, Inuyasha was glaring and snarling at the wolf youkai.  
  
Kagome took a deep breath and shouted. "Settle down minna! We have to start exchanging gifts."  
  
The group settled down into some semblance of order. They waited for someone to make the first move.  
  
Everyone look at one another. No one wants to be the first one to give his or her gifts. Shippo looks around and sigh. He turns to Rin and said, " Grown ups are such scaredy cats." To everyone, he said, "I'll go first then." He turns to Rin and said, "I'm your secret Santa." He handed a messily wrapped present to Rin. She tore at the wrapping to reveal…a Pochacco doll? (What did you expect? We couldn't really think of anything else…)  
  
Rin squealed and hugged the doll tightly. "It's so kawaii!" she set her stuffed animal aside and turned to Jaken. "This is for you." She set before him a wrapped box that bore what appeared to be air holes.  
  
Jaken stared at the box. He could have sworn he hear some noise from inside the box. The gift suddenly jumped and nearly the entire group jumped back in turn. Inuyasha stood protectively in front of Kagome, his hand on the Tetsusaiga. Surely Rin wasn't capable of giving something dangerous.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Kouga growled impatiently. He was eager to give Kagome his gift.  
  
Jaken, shaking, opened his gift and found two beady eyes staring back at him.  
  
"It's a frog." Miroku stated dumbly.  
  
"Why did you get that?" Sango was curious.  
  
Rin grinned and replied simply. "It reminded me of Jaken-san!" Almost everyone face-vaulted.  
  
Kagome was sweatdropping. "Okay, next."  
  
"It's my turn now." Said Jaken. He turns to Shippo and said, " I got you this gift since I know you need it badly." Shippo stared at the gift and then he ripped the wrapping off. It was a book. When Shippo looked at the book, he began to hit Jaken with it. Inuyasha was wondering what the title was, so he took the book away from Shippo's hands and read the title. He began to laugh hysterically.  
  
"Well, what is the title? Show it to us," Kagome said. Inuyasha showed the book to everyone. The title was 'A Guide to Making Illusions for Dummies", and underneath it was an added phrase written by Jaken. It was "or for kitsunes who can't do illusions right for his life". Now everyone realize why Shippo was angry with Jaken.  
  
"I'm next," said Kagome, and she handed her gift to Kikyo. Kagome nervously watched as Kikyo opened her gift. Kikyo reached in and drew out a dangling clear crystal pendant.   
  
"It's for clarity, serenity, and focus." Kagome explained quietly. "I thought it might help." It was possibly (and is) the most thoughtful gift given that night.  
  
The next person to give their gift was Inuyasha. He faced Kouga with a scowl on his face. "Here's your stupid gift you wimpy wolf." Said Inuyasha and he threw the gift at Kouga's face. Kouga caught the gift with one hand just seconds before it hit his face, and smiled at Inuyasha, who was scowling and growling at the same time.  
  
Kouga tore the wrapping off and looked down at the huge pile of papers. "What's this?" Asked Kouga to Inuyasha.  
  
"Look at the damn title, baka!!" exclaimed Inuyasha.  
  
Kouga look at the top sheet. It says, "Lists of things I made up just for you." So Kouga flipped to the next page and on top it says, "Ten things in the world as big as Kouga's ego." On the next page, the title was "Ten things I would like to do to Kouga with my Tetsusaiga." Kouga looked through the whole package. He looked at Inuyasha and said, "These papers seems to be listing all your qualities instead of mine." Inuyasha started to take his sword out, but stopped when he saw Kagome shaking his head at him.  
  
"Well, now it's my turn to give my gift," Kouga said. He turns to Kagome and kneeled down.  
  
"Kagome, my gift to you is for you to become my woman and spend the rest of your life we me," Kouga said. Kagome just stood there gaping at him. Inuyasha was shocked as well and started stuttering incomprehensible words. In the back, Miroku muttered, "Boy he sure moves fast."  
  
Kagome turned to look at Inuyasha and saw that he was already starting to get ready to attack Kouga, so she quickly said, "Kikyo, why don't you give your gift now."   
  
Kikyo stood up and approached Naraku. Every eye in the room was on the pair. What an unlikely and disastrous match… "I will allow you to live another day." Kikyo said lowly. "That is a more than gracious gift."  
  
Inuyasha began. "That was kinda…"  
  
"Lame?" Kagome asked. Inuyasha nodded in response.  
  
"Well it is the thought that counts." Kouga shrugged.  
  
Next it was Sesshoumaru. He faced Inuyasha, and said," My gift to you is that I won't try stealing the Tetsusaiga for a week. After that watch your back." Everyone just looked at him, until Naraku spoke up.  
  
"My turn to give my gift," Naraku said. He turns to Sesshoumaru and said," For my gift to you, you may have any youkai parts that is part of me with a shikon shard in it." Now everyone just stared at Naraku, and Kagome wondered why she had even invited those three to be part of this in the first place.  
  
Sango sighed exasperatedly. It was her turn. She shoved a rectangular box into Miroku's hand. It was a box of chocolate. "Universal gift." She mumbled.  
  
Miroku raised his eyebrow in a suggestive manner. "You know they say chocolate is aphrodisiac." He ducked just in time to dodge Sango's boomerang. "Your gift would be a date with me." Miroku winked.  
  
Sango's eyebrow twitched dangerously. She didn't even reply as she turned away from the hentai priest. "Anyone wants to trade gifts here?!" She called.  
  
An all-out brawl ensured after. Rin and Shippo ignored the fighting adults and continued to investigate Shippo's gift from Jaken. Sango tried desperately to stop the others from killing each other.   
  
Kagome didn't even try. It was no use. She left the group to their petty squabble and climbed out onto the roof. She pulled her knees up and rested her chin there. She sighed. It was such a nice night, had it not been the rowdy brawl inside. She heard footsteps muffled by the snow behind her. She didn't turn around. She knew who it was.  
  
Inuyasha seated himself next to Kagome. There was a comfortable silence that enveloped the couple. Inuyasha still shifted in his seat though.  
  
"Don't worry Inuyasha, I'm not marrying Kouga. Besides, I'm too young." Kagome grinned at the hanyou.  
  
Inuyasha turned away. "Feh! Why would I be worried about something like that?!"  
  
Kagome rolled her eyes. He could deny it all he wanted but she knew he cared. "Inuyasha?"  
  
"Yea?"  
  
"Let's not do this next year."  
  
"Let's not."  
  
Kagome leaned her head onto Inuyasha's shoulder. Inuyasha tentatively reached over and hugged her shoulder, to shield and protect her from the cold. So they just sat there, watching as the pure untainted snow fell upon the world and the stars that shined down upon them from the heavens above.  
  
A.N.: We hope you enjoy this fic. Happy Holidays from us!! 


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